Admittedly, being a selfish food whore is a delicate balance of stuffing your face while hiding behind a shroud of deceit (and resisting urges to pick at food). So here are my tips to be truly greedy without appearing so with 5 ways to eat more while dining with friends. Got more tips to being greedy? Let us know in the comment section below. (Note that I don’t necessarily endorse any methods however effective they may be)
Being a greedy foodie goes hand-in-hand with being a food lover that goes the distance in finding the best dish. When I’m abroad or just restaurant browsing, I’m always on the look-out for the best place to eat by examining the dishes people order, how many people are dining, and my overall gut-feel of the place. So whenever someone asks where we should eat, I’m always ready to answer! Unknowingly to them, we’ll be eating at the place I want to eat and the dishes I want to order! It’s not that I’m a manipulative food whore (although I’m sure some would agree), but I sincerely care that my friends and guests have the best dining experience available. So if being a greedy foodie seems like a selfish act, to me it’s always been win-win scenario. And so, here 5 ways to eat more:
1) Deliberate and Agonize Over the Menu
Bitch and whine enough over the dining selection and your friends will feel compelled to accept any choice you make. No need to inquire about allergies or how they feel about it. You just have to appear like you’ve made a deliberate and calculative decision that’s logically right. Do this correctly and everyone will follow your dining suggestions each and every time.
2) Sharing Doesn’t Mean Being Fair
Yes, we’ve all been taught to share things equally since preschool, but we’re talking about survival of the fittest here! If you’re a supporter of Darwinian Theory, dining portions are invariably too small to not be greedy. Especially with the current dining trends of shared menus and tapas, evolution is working purely against you. Before you take portions beyond what’s been equally distributed, question emphatically how you’re ensure about the taste and how you can’t detect the subtle flavors of ____ (name your ingredient here). Or just state the obvious by saying just how goddamn good it is and how you just can’t resist having one more bite while politely asking for permission. Permission?! Hell, no one ever objects if you ask nicely.
3) Provide Pre-Selected Choices
When deciding as a group, take charge and declare how you can’t make up your mind amongst several choices. Keep in mind that these are pre-selected choice which you are indifferent of having. By simply providing these choices to your guests, they’ll feel like they’re in control and would happily oblige by making the “difficult” decision for you. Alternatively, suggest a particular dish they should order to complement your own. Not only are you enjoying your own dish, but you get a chance to have a second at the other person’s expense! You don’t know how many times I’ve used this technique on my fiancé. I’m full and happy every time.
4) Serve Yourself Last
This is just too easy and works twofold. Prepare everyone’s dish before hand and serve every one of them first. While they’ve begun eating (as a proper host, you would have insisted they start first), slip more food onto your dish and start to eat. Unbeknownst to them, they would have no basis of comparison between their portion size and your own. Secondly, carefully slip yourself something special like an extra slice of pork belly when no one is looking. And if you’re truly greedy and the gods are on your side, “forget” to serve that side of duck confit and you’ll have plenty of leftovers reserved for yourself when everyone is too full to care.
5) Flatter the Dish Before Getting Seconds
“Flattery will get you nowhere” is an idiom that doesn’t apply to food. It’s not like you’re praising anyone in particular, you’re simply flattering an emotionless object that screams “eat me”! Feigning compliments while moving your hands for seconds works well as you suggestively permit yourself for more since it’s so darn good. And because you’re directing your compliment to the food, your flattery will ricochet to your host thereby resulting in seconds without actively asking for more.
You may find some of these tips unbelievably horrid or manipulative. However, it’s in the best interest for you and your friends. Nothing beats having everyone compliment your choice of restaurant or food. I hope these tips will help you to become successful greedy foodies and I encourage all of you to share more tips in the comment section below.
[Picture courtesy of flickr: dietrich]
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WOW…
The distance you go to for FOOD!
I’m equal parts disgusted and impressed
HAHA hilarious… but the problem is that now I know how your scheming brain works!!
Hah! My scheming brain will always think of new ideas! Not to worry, there will be another list of tips. If I choose to share, maybe two heads will be better than one and we can scheme for more food as greedy foodies! Helena: I know, I’m impressive.
ha! i bet you already have another list that you are withholding from us :)